zHOMG

I am sure that I have all ready mentioned how much I love Donna. I mean, when I first saw her in the Runaway Bride, I knew. It was love. Love at first sight. I was upset sure; I had just lost Rose, but how can one hate on Donna? 

Bitch is cray. And it’s awesome. 

God, when he finally travels with her and she hands him that hat box. Married, I tell you. Even though they aren’t in love, they love another. I don’t ship Donna and the Doctor, I am too much in love with Doctor/Rose or Doctor River. But dear me, the Tenth Doctor is  married to Donna Noble. 

It just makes me giggle so hard. … I’m gonna be so messed up when Donna leaves. 

I was thinking though, going through all the Rose posts and Rivers posts (and Rory posts, but he has nothing to do with anything in this post) and I can’t help but wonder why the hell are we so divided?

I know that that Doctor is the same man, always. I get it. I get that he loved Rose. He also loves River. I don’t think one is better than the other. I think that they are just what he needs. 

Does the Eleventh Doctor need a Rose? Not while he has River. Would I go batshit insane if Rose met the Eleventh? Yes. Would I be upset if he fell for Rose while River is still around? Totes magotes. 

The Doctor needs both his girls. Rose brought him back to life, River keeps him grounded. They balance him in different parts of his life. It’s sweet. 

I would totally kill for River and Rose to meet. That would be so sweet. I don’t think they would hate one another. Rose wants nothing more than for the Doctor to not be alone. Yeah, she rather she be by his side, but she knows she can’t. She wants his happiness. 

And I know she would see that River makes him happy.

And River? I don’t think she’s the kind that is going to let a past love of the Doctor’s life get in her way. She studied the Doctor. She knows him, his history. His everything. She wouldn’t give him grief over falling in love with a girl-turn-woman that he met after he destroyed his whole world. His whole being. 

I just don’t see that happening. I kinda see Rose and River meeting and then giving out all the juicy bits. River didn’t see much of the Tenth and Rose would be curious about Eleven. They would be like school girls who fell in love with the same bloke, different timelines, same man. 

Bonding experience. And then Amy could join in. It would be pretty awesome. 

… I have no idea where this post is going. But now I will just spend the night thinking about those three talking smack on the Doctor while he just blushes and insists that they stop whatever they are doing. And Rose sends him out for chips. And River tells him to take off that stupid fez. And Amy insists that he take Rory. 

Ah, life.

I just wanted to declare my love for River Song and Rose Tyler. 

Because, really, those two women were meant for the Doctor.  I would kill to have River and Rose meet. 

I’m fairly sure that Doctor Who is Latin for “Saddest mother fucking shit, ever, mother fucker.” Or, I’m just never emotionally ready to watch an episode. 

… I should’ve known better than to watch “Journey’s End” but I’m really excited to watch the next series (even though I now have to watch the specials and cry over that shit) and the only through is up.

I can’t decide if I am more upset over the Doctor giving up Rose or giving away Donna. I think in this moment, I love Donna more than anyone in that show right. I’ll be dead by morning on the inside over this.

I’m gonna go weep myself to sleep.

In surfing the Doctor Who tags and Rose Tyler tags, I kinda ship her with eleven and I haven’t even met him yet … I fear that there is something slightly wrong with me. 

Well, I shouldn’t fear that, I totally know it since I haven’t moved on with the end of Ten’s line looming over me. I can’t bring myself to end it. Mess, I am such a mess.

I do feel though that when I make it to Eleven I will love him and his all the same as I loved Nine’s and Ten’s life stories. I’ve decided not to be judgy and to love all the characters in Doctor Who, because really, there isn’t any reason to hate them.

But I am still confused at why I ship Rose and Eleven as much as I do Nine and Ten with Rose… Maybe that’s just the way it has to be for me. 

I can live with that. 

but instead I am surfing the Doctor Who tag and more importantly, the Rose x Ten tag. And I am amazed at the amount of … loathing, shall I say since I think that hate is too intense of a word, for the rose/ten or rose/nine pairing. It kind of just blows me away. 

I’m all for peoples’ opinions of the matter - it’s cool to like what you like and dislike what you don’t like, but is it really necessary to dislike the people who ship as well? Can’t we all just get along - at least when it comes to the fact that we love the fandom? Aren’t we on the same team?

Maybe it’s late and I’m confused. I don’t know - I’m not saying that people can’t or shouldn’t dislike certain shippers, I am just thinking it would be … nice? hopeful? if maybe we could just be united in this fantastic fandom. 

Really, it’s the kind of fandom where literally anything can happen. It’s really awesome, I’m just not seeing the reason for the hate of the shippers or other fans. But like I said, it’s late. (And maybe I wanted to rail a bit about it.)

… Yeah. I should go back to writing.

The more I surf the Doctor Who tag, the more I want to re-watch Nine. … I get to it and then I start babbling and crying over Rose and I can’t. 

I feel as if I should be okay about this all ready. But le sigh, I am not.

Also, I just realized that I never thought of Billie Piper as beautiful in the beginning

- and then BAM! All of a sudden she’s this unobtainable force of gorgeous and I can’t contain myself. I think it happened the moment she danced with The Doctor. 

I saw her and was blown away. And now, I can’t get her out of my head. Of course, anytime I see her, I start to tear up. I even get upset if someone says “Rose” and I want to start yelling: “Don’t talk about my Rose.”

The last character that made me this upset was Molly from A Summer to Die. I’d cry at the mention of the name for the longest time - I work with dogs. Do you know how many Molly’s are out there? Fish called Mollies. … They thought I was crazy. 

Perhaps I am crazy. I don’t suppose that would be a bad thing.

Anyway, I want to re-watch Nine’s timeline - which will always me be my favourite for so many reasons, but Hell, I can’t even re-watch Ten without going crazy. I’m not even done with Ten and I know it’s gonna suck. Plus, I’m on the rag, so I can’t watch any Doctor Who at all. Makes me too emotional all ready and then with raging lady hormones, it’s so not happening. 

What was I saying? I kinda just want to watch The Empty Child & The Doctor Dances. It’s nice and creepy plus John Barrowman. … John Barrowman is not creepy. … That paragraph is made of failure. Sweet, succulent failure.

I’m gonna go back to script writing. 

Warning ahead: I may be giving away a lot of spoilers if you haven’t progressed too far in the new series. … The post even starts out spoily.

So, after being completely devastated about the whole Rose/Ten thing and staying away from The Doctor for months, I jumped back into the groove and fell in love with Donna. Then came Martha, which made me sad cos I liked Donna and she was a going to be this amazing transition from Rose. Martha turned out to be a better rebound companion then I could hope for during the series. { I seriously do not understand the Martha hate - I liked the gal.}

I realized when Donna came back exactly why I love her so - she is what I imagined Rose to be like when she was older and wiser, after traveling with The Doctor. Tough as nails, being BAMF, with an excellent sense of humor. And while I know that Donna and The Doctor aren’t in love with one another, those two are so married; from the time Ms. Noble gave Ten her hat box, those two sealed the deal. 

I squealed when that happened and fell in love with that bossy, red-headed lady. I love Donna as much as I love Rose. And that is saying a lot - I would have babies with Rose and I hate kids. … That might be a bit extreme. 

Now to get back to some other things: Martha Jones. I do love me some Martha Jones, say what you will, she was pretty awesome. The girl-turn-woman met this crazy dude and then followed him, all while falling in love while knowing that he was  mourning the lost of Rose. I know that some people don’t like Martha cos of that but, c’mon, we’re human. We ain’t gonna stop crushing just because someone is taken or mourning, we just get a bit more … subtle. 

Martha turned out so awesome, especially when she left The Doctor - she would always be there for him, no matter what and always love him, but that love eventually turned to something more akin to loving a brother. She found Tom and realized that she probably wasn’t in love-in love with The Doctor, but more the adventures and what he brought to her life: who wouldn’t fall for a man who makes dreams come true? Even if they are sometimes scary in the middle. Martha was just being human, utterly human.

I wasn’t in love with Martha, but I was mourning the lost of Rose, too. I am glad that we didn’t keep Donna during that time, I feel like it would’ve wounded the connection that I felt for her. I am super thankful that I had Martha after Rose, with a hint of what was to come later on with Donna.

DONNA NOBLE. How do I describe Donna Noble?

Like I said, I think of Donna as an older, wiser Rose. Not exactly the same because their experiences are different, but given enough time with The Doctor, I think they would be similar. Donna is utter perfection to me - she’s a woman who, while not always happy, always has a bit of hope that things will get better and if not, she changes things. 

Donna also reminds me of The Doctor - she’s a drifter, a wanderer. Donna has big dreams, but she doesn’t always know how to obtain them but she tries. When she found The Doctor, he was in the throes, I can understand why Donna didn’t stay; she knew it wasn’t time. Not yet, not yet. She wanted to go on her own, prove to herself that she could do it. Donna didn’t realize that she needed a small push. But when she got it, she started searching - she wasn’t just wishing on a star.

Donna makes me happy. Happy in a way that is different from Rose or The Doctor or Martha. I know that I am going to be crushed when it comes to the end of Her arc - it is one of the reasons I haven’t watched that far yet, I am unable to face it (I am not yet over Rose). Donna gives me good vibes that tell me “you don’t wait for something good to happen, you gotta do the leg work to find it.” 

I also love the fact that Ten and Donna are married in my head. Married in the way that best friends that are closer than friends, siblings and everything else. I like to believe that while Ten was utterly in love with Rose, Donna is his soul mate. … I understand that Eleven marries River and so-forth, but I want to say this:

I have a hard time believing that we’re actually seeing The Doctor progress in order. He talks so much about time not being linear and I’ve seen/read some other awesome plot holes/time loops that it makes me believe that maybe this is just a convoluted jumble of time and we’re only seeing one possible timeline of events. What if our First Doctor isn’t our First Doctor? What if Eleven isn’t really Eleven? I will stand by my theory until the very end.No matter what.

Anyway, I like to think of Donna as his soul mate, his go-to. His other half - not better half, cos I will always see that as Rose, ever since she convinced Nine that violently ending the last Dalek’s life was not the way to go. Donna balances The Doctor, she’s not afraid of hurting his feelings or letting him know when she needs time alone. She knows when he needs her and when he needs her to need him. I’m waxing poetic, though, it just shows how much I love Donna. 

I believe in her - she’s just want I want to be like when I am olderer and wiser. Or maybe just wise. Who know? The more I see of Donna, the more I love her. Even when she’s being vulnerable, she’s not really vulnerable. I understand her choices in Turn Left, I got it. I like that fact that she knew something was wrong, I like the fact that she was so utterly scared when she found out what was happening. She knew - KNEW - what would happen and she still did it. 

Fucking-a. Donna in Turn Left was like The Doctor in Human Nature/The Family of Blood. They were both not themselves and they had to make this life altering decision to get back to who they were, when they were all ready settled in their new life. That’s the scariest thing, isn’t it though? We stay still because we’re comfortable, because changing things means the unknown - yet, they both did it. John Smith and Donna Noble took that last step and went back to their roots. That just made me want to cry - and when Rose gave her the words “Bad Wolf”, I knew. Donna and The Doctor are soul mates. 

How I love thee, Donna Noble.

I might be a bit crazy. But hey, who isn’t?

So, I’m not a terribly emotive person, growing up in a house were anything other than “neutral” was frowned upon (letting people know: that is not a healthy way to live, it’s the just the only way I know how) but somehow, wallowing in certain fandoms, I get a bit crazy - or regular for a normal person. 

Anyway, I was saying, not terribly emotive which sometimes leads to me having these  outbursts, most notably from searching the damned Doctor Who tags and seeing images of Rose & Ten or Rose & Nine or just Rose (total girl crush on her). I’m laughing one moment and then bam! I’m balling, screaming about how people shouldn’t be talking about “my Rose”. It brings some crazed looks from the people in the house, and then subtle shaming. Really, really subtle shaming. 

I should not be allowed to watch tags that cause emotional outbursts. I can’t help it.

…

Geezus; why the hell am I having an argument over how to fry a fucking eggplant. It’s my goddamned eggplant, why the fuck can’t I bread the effing thing?! Ugh. This is why I am moving - because I can’t take this shit anymore.

Can’t be angry, can’t be overly happy, can’t be anything other than fucking “neutral” - what does that mean? Why can’t I be upset that I’m not allowed to make my eggplant that I bought, why does it have to be community property? I pay to live here, I buy my own food, I don’t eat anyone else’s stuff. 

Christ almighty. How the hell have I lived like this for so long? All I want to do is eat my food how I want and cry over TV shows. 

I WANT TO FEEL OKAY ABOUT CRYING OVER ROSE AND THE DOCTOR! I am sick of being so ashamed of everything.

Maybe I should allow myself to surf the Doctor Who tags and the Sherlock tags and the Supernatural Tags along with the crazy OCD and Food tags that I follow. It’s okay for me to follow food, I like to eat, it does not bring an outward emotional response. It’s okay for me to follow the Corgi tag, I work with dogs. 

But TV tags? With delightfully sad pairings? And I’m not just talking about my Rose and the Doctor. I’m talking about the insane, closeted love for Supernatural. Like  Extremely. I can’t talk about it, I try not to think about it and I sure as shit attempt not to perpetuate it. 

… tell that the TVDs I have hidden in the closet, wrapped up and waiting to be opened and played. Can’t do that here, I dare not shed that love to light. I watch it secretly.

… While I type this, the fight is turning from eggplant to the fact that my mother is pissed that I am leaving. I’m in my late twenties and I’ve been trying to get away since I was 18. I fucking moved 3500 miles away on Christmas. And then she followed and due to the fact that I wasn’t making any money at my job, I was forced to move back in - those were the best six months of my life. 

Being the fuck away from all of this. Being able to not feel so … fearful, of people’s reactions on what I like. Being able to embrace myself, I have no idea who the hell I am. HELLO! Identity crisis here. 

I’ve been doing the same thing for six years. The only thing that has changed is the fact that I no longer go to college (I graduated, which is a big deal because I HATE school) but mostly it is the same: Sleep, Work, Eat and Home. I don’t even go out with people really or have friends outside of work. 

It horrifies me at times. … Where’s the little girl who wanted to climb Mount Everest, who wanted to travel the world on a water buffalo? I feel like I let myself down.

See what happens when I look at Rose/Doctor tags? It’s frightening. 

Less than a week, and I’m out of here.